Let me ask you a question
What do you do, when you’ve got a date scheduled, and the girl changes the plans on you last-minute?
You try to make it work no matter what, right?
You ask if she’s available this day instead, or that day instead, and when do your classes run from and until, and if this place is good, and how about we meet in the middle, and I know you have stuff on but what if we met up super quickly, and oh you’re hanging with friends yeah I guess they can tag along, and so on
Now, I want to suggest something different
I want to suggest that you focus on cancelling the date, rather than rescuing the date
Sure, you can lightly probe if she’s free another time that day, or maybe the day after
But if it’s too much of a rush, or the planning gets too complex, or she replies slower and slower, to just cancel the date, and say that you’ll maybe reschedule for another time
You might think this is unnecessarily harsh, like you’re so close, why would you do yourself like that?
In this post, I will show you why cancelling dates is better than trying to rescuing them
Remember The Goal Of Your Date
So, let’s set the right expectations
You’re a straight guy with libido and urges and all that birds-and-bees bullshit
(⌐O_O)
What if someone who isn’t the above is reading this?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
If that’s the case, I am so sorry that they had to read this, and I hope they enjoy their stay
So, let’s not beat around the bush here
The goal of your date, is to sleep with the girl
And for sex to even legally be a possibility, the date has to fulfill certain criteria:
- You have a private environment in which to make your move
- You have enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- She has enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- There’s no one there that she feels (a) she needs to hang with after your date, or (b) judged by if she leaves with you
Note that if even one of these criteria are missing, sex cannot happen
(^ΦдΦ^)
Unless she’s super-keen and willing, and you can seal the deal in the toilet or car or some semi-public place – but seriously, don’t count on it
When you have full control of logistics of the date, you can make sure all of the criteria are ticked off:
- You have a private environment in which to make your move
- You set the date close to your place, at a time when you know you can have privacy (roommates or family are out, or at least unlikely to be in common areas)
- You have enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- You set the date and time when you have the whole day free, or at least the whole block free (e.g. the whole afternoon or night)
- She has enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- You set the date and time when she has the whole day free, or at least the whole block free (e.g. the whole afternoon or night)
- There’s no one there that she feels that (a) she needs to hang with after your date, or (b) judged by if she leaves with you
- You set the hangout as one-on-one
So, what do you think happens when she changes the logistics?
- You have a private environment in which to make your move
- She doesn’t want to meet close to your place
- You have enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- She changes the time to when you’re busy
- She has enough time after the date for transit and getting physical
- She changes the time, and now she can only meet in between classes, or right before work or other appointments
- There’s no one there that she feels that (a) she needs to hang with after your date, or (b) judged by if she leaves with you
- She wants to invite friends or family
Exactly, the chances of sex approaches zero
So, for the purpose of hooking up, a less-than-ideal logistic changes the importance of the date to: Very little point
(⌐O_O)
Wait, but what if we’re not aiming for sex for that date?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
It’s still bad – see the section on extra reasons
Courses Of Actions & Outcomes
When she changes the plan on you, in a way that derails the point of the date, you have a few choices:
- Go with the new plan with bad logistics
- Cancel the date immediately
- Try to work out an alternative plan with good logistics, no matter how long it takes
- Try to work out an alternative plan with good logistics, but cancel the date if it’s too much effort, and be butt-hurt about it
- Try to work out an alternative plan with good logistics, but cancel the date if it’s too much effort, and be cool about it
And the way you handle things, will determine the way she sees you:
- Going With The New Plan With Bad Logistics
If you yield, and agree fully to her plans, the date will still go ahead – except you won’t get what you want (AKA any remote possibility of sex)
- Cancelling The Date Immediately
There’s no need to be this harsh: Being “my way or the highway” levels of inflexible will not help you get laid – maybe you could have reached good logistics again with a few tweaks!
- Trying To Work Out An Alternative Plan With Good Logistics, No Matter What It Takes
So, you’re trying to rescue the logistics, in a way where sex can still happen during that date
However, you’re asking which days she’s free, how many hours she’s free, which part of town she’ll be, if you can meet in between her split shift / before she has to drive someone to the airport / after her exam and before dinner
And now it’s getting too complicated, too rushed, and too forced
She is going to feel more and more cornered, and the date will reek more and more of desperation – and it also brings the possibility of getting physical from the plausibly deniable speck at the back of her mind, forward to the awkwardly obvious elephant in the room
And the more you push, the less she will want to meet up
So by trying to win the battle, you lose the war
Trying To Work Out An Alternative Plan With Good Logistics, But Cancelling The Date If It’s Too Much Effort, But Be Butt-Hurt About It
We’re getting closer to the best course of action now
By trying at all to make the date work, you show her that you do want to see her
(⌐O_O)
Isn’t that a bad thing?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
It’s only bad if you’re desperate and low-value about it – by itself, it’s flattering and a bit hot to feel that you’re wanted
(^ΦдΦ^)
It’s like how creeping on a girl is welcomed if you’re hot, and sexual harassment if you’re not
By trying a little bit for better logistics – and not too much, you show that you have a life, and that your availability doesn’t just billow and sway with her whim
However, it’s the attitude that has you unstuck
By emotionally reacting to the girl about the logistics going to shit, you’re blaming her (directly or indirectly) – and blame will make her feel bad, and likely to avoid the source of that bad feeling – AKA you
Also, by reacting to the date falling over, you show that you place too much significance on it – which suggests to the girl that it’s a big deal for you, that you don’t often go on dates in general – or with girls of her calibre, which suggests that you’re not as popular and high-value as she thought
(^ΦдΦ^)
Oh and your tantrum shows you can’t handle real life and Murphy’s Law and how the only constant in life is change – that’s being entitled in a low-value way, and that’s not attractive
(⌐O_O)
What’s the difference between low-value and high-value entitlement?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
The low-value type is rooted insecurity, where the person fears that if they are not treated with respect, that they will have less value, and that not getting respect is a personal attack; whereas the high-value type is rooted in self-esteem, where the person knows how they want to be treated, and will stand up for their own boundaries
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
Also, the low-value type is where ppl don’t have the amount of social skills and maturity to elicit the high standard of treatment – so they resort to shaming and demanding and pulling rank and arguing about what’s fair and right; whereas the high-value type is where ppl have the social skills and maturity to get the treatment they want, while still being calm and polite
So basically, a bad attitude can undo all of your right actions
Trying To Work Out An Alternative Plan With Good Logistics, But Cancelling The Date If It’s Too Much Effort, And Being Cool About It
So, you’ve tried a bit to reschedule, to show that you care about the date
And you’ve cancelled it when it started getting too complicated, which shows you have a life
And you don’t make a big deal out of it, which shows that you’re emotionally mature, and that you have options when it comes to girls
This is the optimal play when it comes to date plans going awry
Why You Should Cancel Dates More Often
To recap, if you’ve built yourself an awesome social circle, full of cute girls and high-value ppl, the girl is going to see you as popular, and having tons of female options
If you keep trying and trying to reschedule, even when she knows that it’s hard for you to schedule, and she knows that you know that it’s hard for her to schedule, your image of social and sexual abundance will be shattered – after all, if a guy has the time and effort to bother going above and beyond to scrape together a date, he probably doesn’t actually have too much going on in his life
In contrast, if you probe a little to see if another 1 or 2 options works for her – and if they don’t, or if you don’t hear from her, then you cancel or postpone the date casually, without blame or drama, then you remain congruent to your image of abundance
After all, if you are willing to walk away from a potential date which could’ve been rescued if you bothered to try harder, it can mean any number of things…
- He’s been with so many girls (of her level, or possibly higher), that he doesn’t view turning down this date as any significant loss
- He probably has other dates he can easily line up
- He is so on his purpose as a man (with his academics, or work, or business, or passion, or mission) that he probably turned down this date-that-got-too-messy, to give him more time and energy to focus on his calling
…and all of those possibilities make you more high-value (and therefore attractive) in her eyes
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
This is a Win/Win/Win play
(⌐O_O)
What’s a Win/Win/Win play?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
No matter which of the options she decides is true…
(^ΦдΦ^)
Or comes up with
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
…You’ll still win
(⌐O_O)
That’s a lot of win
So, if the girl throws the date plans into the air – if in doubt, I recommend cancelling the date
The Avalanche Of Reasons
(⌐O_O)
Oh yeah, so what happens if…
(^ΦдΦ^)
(For some reason)
(⌐O_O)
…I don’t plan to sleep with the girl on this date?
Even if you’re taking things slower: Trying to work around a girl’s last-minute changes, sets a whole lot of bad precedents
Not Cancelling The Date Will Condition Her To Be Harder To Sleep With
For one, you are conditioning her to expect to get away with last-minute changes, and to negotiate the details of the dates
That means that with this girl, you won’t be in control of dates – which means that when you do want to get physical, you’ll have a uphill battle to get her to meet on conditions ideal for hooking up
(⌐O_O)
But hold on, isn’t it normal to have to discuss date details with girls?
Discussions are necessary and reasonable to a point, like finding out when she’s most free to meet up, and what her dietary requirements are if you’re planning to grab food; and for busier girls, maybe seeing if she can reshuffle things to actually have time to hang out
What is less necessary, is negotiation about other details
And what is not necessary nor reasonable, is changing the details last-minute
Last-Minute Changes Is A Sign That You Should Lurk Moar
In fact, as a guy, you can view the behaviour of being a logistical pain-in-the-booty as a form of self-filtering by the girls, in terms of who you should invest your time in:
- They likely aren’t attracted enough to you, or don’t think you’re high-status enough, or don’t think you have enough dating/sexual options
- You’ve got more work to do – and you shouldn’t even be asking them on a date yet
(⌐O_O)
What is this work to be done?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
That depends on how you want to build her attraction in you – PassiveGame teaches you to do so automatically and risk-free, which you can learn more about here
- They take gender equality and personal rights to the level where they can’t take a backseat on any issue (including dates), or they seek out conflict and drama naturally
- You probably don’t want to bother with these girls
(⌐O_O)
How do I know if it’s worth the bother?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
I will humbly defer to the word of god
Either way, you should cancel the date, and continue seeing her more in social settings, and judging her personality and emotional stability – this helps you differentiate between the two above possibilities, and judge if you should even try to get physical with her
(⌐O_O)
So, what’s the difference?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
If her personality and emotional stability are both normal, she’s not into you enough yet
(^ΦдΦ^)
If either or both are abnormal, she’s a hot potato
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
Speaking of, have you seen the sour cream anywhere?
(^ΦдΦ^)
I thought you’d never ask
(⌐O_O)
Moving Too Slow Builds A Relationship Vibe
The reasons don’t stop there
There is a knock-on effect from conditioning her to be harder to sleep with: Since you likely won’t seal the deal even over multiple dates, your interaction with her can start taking on a relationshippy, taking-it-slow vibe
(⌐O_O)
Shippy, you say?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
I ship it
This makes it even harder to get physical, since she stops seeing you as some attractive guy that she’ll just hook up with, and more as a provider who she’ll let take her out on multiple dates, and show his investment and commitment chops, before maybe “rewarding” him with the sex in the future of some hypothetical timeline
Super-Finisher: The Destroyer Of Sex-Worthy Social Circles
And that’s not the only bad thing about falling into a provider frame with a girl
If she’s part of your social circle, the provider status will tarnish your reputation
The key to PassiveGame, is to build a high-value social circle, that shows girls that you have a lot of options when it comes to girls, and hints that you have flexible relationships with the girls you know
(⌐O_O)
What do you mean by “flexible relationships”?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
As in you can:
-
- Sleep together without being in a relationship
- Be friends and still sleep together
- Sleep together and still hang out socially
- Freely toggle between just sleeping together / dating / just being friends
- Sleep with however many girls at the same time
- Sleep with whatever combination of girls
- Have girls you sleep be friends with one another
- Readily change your mind about who’s your main girl
- Stop sleeping with a girl (e.g. she gets a boyfriend, becomes busy, goes travelling) then pick it back up later, and so on
(⌐O_O)
God damn, that sounds great
(^ΦдΦ^)
Why do you think harem animes exist?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
And it’s what you can build towards with PassiveGame
(⌐O_O)
I have to say, I have enough trouble as it is getting stuck in the friend-zone, or knowing what to do with my crushes
(^ΦдΦ^)
I mean, you could learn how to get out of the friend-zone
(⌐O_O)
I could?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
And also how to get friendly with your friend-crush, or how to make it work with your work-crush
(^ΦдΦ^)
Dude, you really need to get some better puns
This reputation makes the girls attracted, and also makes them more comfortable with sleeping with you
Now, imagine the girl, telling other girls in the circle, that you’ve gone on multiple dates already, that you guys haven’t slept together yet, that she has plenty of input and control over the dates, and that you work hard to accommodate her last-minute whims
What will the other girls think?
That you’re committed as fuck to this girl
That you’re whipped as shit, since you’d put up with all that crap, without even having sex
That you’re probably faking being popular with girls, and faking having lots of options – because no popular guy falls that hard for a girl and commits that much without having gotten physical already
All of this suggests to girls in your circle that you are
- Not available for hookups or relationships
- Not as high-value as they thought
Meaning…
The girls logically won’t hook up with you, and emotionally doesn’t want to hook up with you
(^ΦдΦ^)
It takes something really special to bomb that hard with girls
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
I guess there’s the friendzone, where the girl logically sees you more useful as a friend than as a piece of ass, and emotionally doesn’t want dat ass hard enough anyway
And because girls gossip, the news of you being low-value and desperate can pass onto other girls
(⌐O_O)
But if they see you as sex-worthy, wouldn’t they still blab?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
Actually, if you’re high-value and attractive, and girls are sleeping with you (or at least considering it), then they are more likely to be discreet, because their reputation is on the line, and also they will see themselves as possibly in competition with other girls for you
(^ΦдΦ^)
In contrast, if you’re low-value and unattractive, then the girls have no conflict of interest with other girls, and are more likely to do other girls a solid by calling you out as a PSA
Things can get to the point where sex-unworthiness is just your reputation amongst the girls in the circle, and existing girls will tell new girls, and no girls will want to meet one-on-one with you
(⌐O_O)
That sounds unrescuable
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
Tell me about it – then you’ll need to axe them all to start afresh – so why not save yourself the waste of time and effort instead, by enforcing your boundary and being brave enough to actively cancel dates?
Exceptions To The Rule
(⌐O_O)
Ok, are there exceptions to the rule?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
Here certainly are
If She’s Really Keen
One exception is if she’s super keen to meet up
If so, then congrats – you’re doing something right – bottle it up and sell it
In this case, you can try a bit harder – because you’re doing her favour by making sure the date goes ahead – and you also have more leeway to probe for logistical details, since she’s so bought-in
Still, if it’s too hard, no need to push it – give her the gift of FOMO
When It’s Your Fault
The other exception, is when the date logistics dropped off, because of your mistake
For example, did you forget that her work roster comes out Sundays, and you made plans on a day that she later found out she has work on?
Or did you start planning a date after her family came to visit from overseas, and now she has to take her cousin everywhere she goes?
Or did you ask her to meet you around your suburb, she didn’t reply and you thought she agreed, and didn’t check with her until the day before, whereby she says that it’s too far away?
If the issue was on your end, well… you can try a bit harder
Not because you need to (i.e. have the date), but because you want to (out of principle)
If she’s still super hard to re-book last-minute, then still cancel the date
However
If you’ve checked every part of the date (the date, time, location), and she confirms that she can make it; and then when you check with her the day before or on the day, and she wants to change the plans – then the issue is on her end
(Not An Exception) When It’s Nobody’s Fault
(⌐O_O)
Got it – and what about if it’s no one’s fault – like if she got called into work last-minute?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
In that case, you would still just try a little to reschedule, but keep the bar low for cancelling the date
(⌐O_O)
How come? It’s not her fault
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
That’s true – but the key is that it’s not your fault: Since you don’t owe anyone anything (e.g. you don’t owe her a date), if the date becomes too hard, it’s only reasonable to cancel it
(Not An Exception) You Don’t Have A Lot Of Dates
(⌐O_O)
What if I don’t have a lot of dates lined up? Is that reason to push harder
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
You should push harder – just not to rescue dates
(⌐O_O)
Oh – why not?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
You should push harder to gain the lifestyle that naturally gets you more dates – which naturally eliminates the need (and urge) to rescue dates
(⌐O_O)
What kind of lifestyle gets me more dates?
( ﾟ∀ﾟ)
The type that sees new girls come into your life easily, and has girls developing crushes on you naturally
(⌐O_O)
That just sounds too good to be true
(^ΦдΦ^)
Isn’t that what you’re literally here to learn about?
In Conclusion
In short, cancel dates more with girls – simple as that